What and When is a Character Autistic-Coded?

Warning: HARK! There are spoilers here, traveler. Take the road less littered with thought.

TW: Mentions of caregiver abuse, murder, ableism, loneliness.

I'm a StttttaaaaAaaarrrr!

I don't recreationally use the word delusional. I find that so much of its body is too whittled down into a sharp shank of wood, weaponizing itself as a denier of worlds. Intimate experiences so private that if we all shared them, one at a time, a pile we continued to heap upon, then I think we'd all accidentally destroy all the truth stored up in existence. Assuming that there wouldn't be one louder, one more knifing than the others, that was interested in slicing up everyone's personal letters to themselves, into one long strand of paper-cut kids, is to deny how restless the wolves can be without power. Forming a pack, a long path of hold-handing, eventually leading all of our energy, our universal truths, into one, giant fanged mouth - Who is to say that closeted realities are less real than the outside's? Isn't it true, that when you listen to your friend shit-talking about someone, not at the table, you are abandoning your own authority and understanding of that person, for a mere moment, just to thoroughly and actively engage with your friend's feelings? Isn't someone's somewhat public and petty exaggeration similar to when a group of neighbors join around a bubbling cauldron soup stove and listen in on legendary, or perhaps a new, set of ghost stories? Does the line between dispelling "logic", in means of enacting your imagination, stop at the end of the party? What if I drove home, rolled over in my bed, and awoke with their world still slithering between mine and the morning's?

I can understand why some autistic people can relate to the character Pearl (Pearl (2022)(dr. Ti West). A lot of later-in-life autistic people, in particular, I've noticed gravitate toward messaging that is surrounded by the trauma of performance; masking, in particular, is an awful year-round circus. Pearl herself has a dark secret, one so hidden that it's almost hidden from herself, yet she has such a strong desire to be seen by so many eyes. Why? Well, for starters, I think loneliness, feeling unlike anyone in your community, makes anyone want to cast their net out to bigger lakes. The hope of finding a reflection of your weirdness in others, celebrated by someone all along, is always the desired catch, yet I also think there's a strong need to feel like the solitude was worth it. Like the rejection, the smothering of your authentic self was not just trivial whimpering, but a building-up of sorts. Hibernating for something grand and as big as your sufferings; Pearl was miserable, like a lot of us in our childhoods. But how many phrases, how many rants and ravening of her unspeakable desire to be seen, how many painfully long smiles, does it take for a community to claim them? And what if others, don't?

Wanting better autistic representation, while barely having it, is not at all a selfish desire. I would even go as far as to say what kind of representation, a foundational media that's welcoming to a lot more autistic expressions than just the late-in-life autistic, is even, still scratching the surface; we need poetic. We need lyrical, poetic, and metaphorical platforms to play with because our grief feels large and otherworldly. Transcending any recent forms of movies, shows, or books, that while perfectly well-intended on having autistic representation, fail to actually feel remotely close to the humor in our pain and decide to lecture us, along with educating the allist members of the audience, instead. Becoming an art expo for the mainstream, alienating autistic audience members.

A lot of the time, the autistic community finds commonality with autistic-coded (meaning that signs of autism are there, mostly found by the autistic person themselves) characters. I don't think Pearl would be considered an autistic-coded character because she is a murderer, (Lol). In fact, similar to what she evidently does to her disabled father, there are a lot more cases of unqualified caregivers, themselves neurodivergent or not, doesn't really matter because of their position of power, murdering their patients, with the rates even higher with family members. I just want to be clear, and careful, that when we talk about some of Pearl's experiences mirroring some of the feelings autistic people have, that is in no way exonerating her killing spree. Rather, the violence depicted in Pearl is an extreme portrayal of repression. Acts that are not glorified, but do reveal some of Pearl's determined means gather some control.

I don't like using boxes, "check marks", or lists when thinking about if a character is autistic coded or not, mostly because I don't think even autism should be criterion-ed through symptomatic lists either. Personally, it's a more if-you-know-you-know sort of feeling, and there were definitely some moments when my ears perked up in Pearl: specifically her dialogue with her lover. When she could sense she "did something" to have him turn on her, is unsure of what it is, and is desperate to figure out how she can fix it, she begins to panic. Seeing her ticket out from the farm, slipping through her fingers, in the exact way that her mother had warned: by just being your natural, terrifying self. This fear is common with a lot of autistic people and is one of the core reasons why masks are created and sustained over time. Forcing our authenticity deeper and deeper to not only be socially liked but to survive.

So much of Mia Goth (who plays Pearl) and Ti West's writings poked at my autistic radar, which did contribute a lot to my love for this movie. I'd love to hear some of your own personal connections with Pearl as well as your qualms if you have any! Fire away at my email.